Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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