The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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