when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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