the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize