Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize