saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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