you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
