ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
