what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
