Kiss
Puke
I hate all girls vehemently.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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