I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I love having hate sex.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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