its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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