I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
