it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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