They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
