Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
