Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I will be naked everywhere
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
