I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
