Please, let me fuck your mom
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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