Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
