Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
