wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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