I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
