I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
