I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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