come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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