if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
