Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
