By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
