saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
