she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
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Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
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If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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