Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
