Cold hands, warm shart.
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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