I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
