I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
