I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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