My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
