If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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