You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
