My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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