If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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