The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
