Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
