the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
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in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
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I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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