I got chris browned last night
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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