he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
