im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
