Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
