Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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