Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I think I just sharted jello shots
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