she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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