my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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