Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize