I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
