So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
