like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
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