I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
