is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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