Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
