That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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