he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
