dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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