I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
