i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
