He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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