what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
