It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
you didnt know i had herpes?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
