Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
third nipple confirmed
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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