i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize
