We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
