You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
