Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
