Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
