Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
