so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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