I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
