Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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